'Tvas a balmy summer's ivning, but zirro 'tvas below
De ren vas falling brightly, end de sun vas shining snow
Abe's barroom vas crowded; dere vern't many pipple dere
Vhen all at vunce, in valked Jake de plomber
End everyvun begen to stare.
"Vat'll you hev, Jake" de bartender shouted,
"You look toisty, sir," he said.
But Jake said "Khah!" Like dat: "Khah-hah!*
I only drink vhen odders trit."
Ve gave him vun drink . . . two drinks . . . tree drinks, four,
Of vawter. End Jake, Jake begen to get sore.
"Vunce," he said, "I vas a plomber.
I plombed by day; I plombed by night --
End believe me: dot's plombing.
Den I met a vimmen. She took everyting I hed, she left me notting.
Bartender!" he cried, "Bring me an angemarinierte herring on the house,
End I vill draw for you upon de floor
A pitchkeh from de vimmen vat ruhned my life."
He drew, and drew, and drew, and drew.
De eyes vas yes. De mout vas no.
De figure it vas tru to life.
And, from de rotten vay he drew,
Ve knew it vas: His vife.
Den, vhen he had finished, "How do you like it boyce?" he cried.
End ve all hollered, "Punk!"
Den, vid a leff, "Khah-hah!"
Or mebbe it vas a gron, who knows?
He fell, face forvard, on de pitchkeh
Dead. Drunk. From vawter.
*The Kh of Khah! is a guttaral pronounced like the Ch in Chanukah or l'chaim!